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Marinduque Mainland from Tres Reyes Islands

Marinduque Mainland from Tres Reyes Islands
View of Mainland Marinduque from Tres Reyes Islands-Click on Photo to link to Marinduque Awaits You

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Battered Husbands and/or Boyfriends

I just learned of a recent event of a victim of the silent battered husband syndrome, prompted me to republish the following post, I wrote three years ago.

The first time I heard of a case of a battered husband was about 10 years ago when I was still working for FDA. One of the Review Chemist I had supervised confided in me, that the reason he is now divorce is that his former wife has been beating him almost at least once a month for the last two years. At first, he just protected himself, but after the fourth beating, he reported it to the police. The police came to their apartment, investigated and nothing else happened. The physical and mental abuse continued until he finally decided to break the marriage and left his wife. There was a restraining order issued against his wife.

My first reaction is of disbelief. This man although soft spoken is 6.6 ft, athletic and very masculine. He has a also a Ph. D degree in Chemistry, very personable,and friendly. I ask myself, Is this man telling the truth? But the way he confided in me was very convincing and I believe him. The abuse was not only physical but also mental according to him. The guy is about 45 years old and the couple have no children.

The second case of a battered husband that I heard was just recently in the Philippines. This case is sad and really touched my heart since the battered husband is a close relative of my wife. During one of our many family reunions, I noticed the absence of his wife. I ask him why his wife is not around. He said, I do not have a wife anymore, will you help me Tito to look for another. I was embarrassed for asking the question and totally forgot about the incident. However, the next day, I was talking to his Mom. She told me about the domestic abuse that her son has tolerated for the last 10 years. It was only last year that he told his Dad and Mom of what is going on. They are now separated. They separated couple have 2 children, 9and 2 years old. The children are with him, but his wife has visiting rights. In this case the abuse is also both physical and mental. As in case number one above, this man is good looking, athletic, very personable, and intelligent. This guy is only 39 years old. The above two cases prompted me to do a google search on this subject of battered men as follows:

Why Do We Know So Little About Domestic Abuse And Violence Against Men?
There are many reasons why we don't know more about domestic abuse and violence against men. First of all, the incidence of domestic violence reported men appears to be so low that it is hard to get reliable estimates. In addition, it has taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence. Virtually nothing has been done to encourage men to report abuse. The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable that many men will not even attempt to report the situation.

The dynamic of domestic abuse and violence is also different between men and women. The reasons, purposes and motivations are often very different between sexes. Although the counseling and psychological community have responded to domestic abuse and violence against women, there has been very little investment in resources to address and understand the issues of domestic abuse and violence against men. In most cases, the actual physical damage inflicted by men is so much greater than the actual physical harm inflected by women. The impact of domestic violence is less apparent and less likely to come to the attention of others when men are abused. For example, it is assumed than a man with a bruise or black eye was in a fight with another man or was injured on the job or playing contact sports. Even when men do report domestic abuse and violence, most people are so astonished men usually end up feeling like nobody believes them.

Do you know of a case of battered men? Here's a video for additional information on this unrecognized but important subject. Your comments will be appreciated.

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