Marriage is A Catalyst for Psychological Transformation

This Posting is inspired from my recent reading on Psychology Today as well as the the question I was often asked from several of my Fellow THD residents:

David, How Long Have you been Married?

I could personally identify with the tone of this article, after being married for over 63 years to one person

Marriage isn't just a legal status. Research shows it triggers universal personality shifts that make couples more dependable but less social and patient.

Marriage is more than a change in legal status; it is a catalyst for significant psychological transformation. According to a study tracking 169 newlyweds over 18 months, the first two years of marriage fundamentally alter core personality traits.

Men generally become more conscientious and dependable, while women experience increased emotional stability, reporting lower levels of anxiety and anger. However, this transition often leads to a decrease in "openness" as couples settle into domestic routines and a decline in extroversion as they prioritize their partner over their broader social circles.

These shifts appear to be a universal part of the marital experience, occurring regardless of age, whether a couple lived together beforehand, or if they have children. As the "courtship mask" of the early relationship fades, partners often become less patient and more disagreeable with one another. Because these personality changes are largely unavoidable, experts suggest that long-term success depends on more than just compatibility. Instead, the survival of a marriage relies on the active development of self-control and the practice of forgiveness to navigate the inevitable changes in how partners relate to each other.

Source: Lavner, J. A., Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. Personality change among newlyweds: Patterns, predictors, and associations with marital satisfaction. Developmental Psychology.

Meanwhile, here's my personal reflection on the above Topic: A Wisdom Learned after being Married for over 63 Years 

When I first married, I believed, quietly, confidently that I more or less knew who I was. I had opinions shaped by years of work, success and failure, convictions earned the hard way, and emotional habits I mistook for wisdom. Marriage didn’t challenge those beliefs all at once. It did something far more effective. It lived with them. I was only 23 years old, then. 

Marriage has a way of revealing the self you didn’t know you were still carrying. Not the polished public self, but the private one, the impatient one, the defensive one, the one that wants to be right more than it wants to be understood. No career review, therapy session, or solitary reflection ever held up that mirror for me the way marriage did.

I learned quickly that love does not erase our psychological wiring; it activates it.

The small moments were the most instructive. How I reacted when plans changed. How I responded to criticism I didn’t think was fair. How silence could feel safer than vulnerability. Marriage exposed patterns I had carried for decades without naming them. And once named, they could no longer hide.

What surprised me most was how deeply marriage reached into my past. Conflicts were rarely just about the present moment; they were echoes of earlier lessons about control, independence, and self-protection. Marriage didn’t create those tensions, it revealed them. It forced me to ask whether I wanted to remain emotionally intact or emotionally honest.

Over time, I noticed something else: marriage reshaped my sense of identity. Decisions that once belonged solely to me now required conversation, patience, and compromise. At first, this felt like a loss. Later, it felt like an expansion. I was no longer performing a version of myself; I was becoming one.

Marriage demanded skills I had never needed to master alone listening without preparing a rebuttal, apologizing without qualifying it, staying present when withdrawal felt easier. These were not romantic achievements. They were psychological ones.

And perhaps the most humbling lesson of all was this: growth in marriage is uneven. Sometimes I moved forward. Sometimes I resisted. Sometimes my partner grew faster than I did, forcing me to confront stagnation I would have otherwise ignored. Marriage, I’ve learned, is not about mutual perfection, it is about mutual patience.

Looking back, I no longer see marriage as a destination or a settled state. I see it as an ongoing psychological apprenticeship. It doesn’t promise comfort, but it offers something rarer: the opportunity to become more self-aware, more emotionally literate, and if we allow it, more fully human.

Marriage did not change who I was overnight. It simply made it impossible for me to stay the same.

MEANWHILE. Here's some notable quotes on marriage: 

Important marriage quotes 

highlight love, forgiveness, friendship, commitment, and growth, emphasizing it as a journey of imperfect people learning to enjoy differences, a partnership requiring effort, and a profound bond that deepens over time. Key themes include finding joy in companionship, the ongoing practice of love, and building a life greater than the sum of two individuals. 

On Love & Friendship:

• "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." - Ruth Bell Graham
• "Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends." - Harville Hendrix
• "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."- Unknown
• "Love is a friendship set to music." - Augustus William Hare 

On Effort & Commitment:

• "A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other." - Unknown
• "A great marriage isn't something that just happens; it's something that must be created." - Fawn Weaver
• "Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day."- Barbara De Angelis
• "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." - André Maurois 

• My Quote of the Day:  

  
  

  “Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.” Anonymous

   

  My Photo of the Day: 

• 
  Wedding Day, May 8, 1957, Boac, Marinduque, Philippines 
  
  
• Finally, here are the top Five News of the Day:

• 1. Major global events roundup — A daily summary of the most significant overnight national and global news. 

• 2. NASA’s Artemis 2 test — NASA begins a critical wet dress rehearsal fueling test for the Artemis 2 moon mission, advancing preparations for the next crewed lunar flight. 

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• 4. Zaporizhzhia hospital attack — Russian forces reportedly bomb a maternity hospital in Zaporizhzhia, Ukraine, injuring civilians amid the ongoing conflict. 

• 5. 2026 Grammy Awards happening today — The 66th Annual Grammy Awards take place in Los Angeles with live performances, red carpet, and major nominees in music’s biggest night.