The David Jamili Katague Family, Barotac Viejo, Iloilo, Philippines, 1956
I just finished 4 Episodes of Season 1 of the TV remake of the 1997 classic movie, "I Know What You Did Last Summer". In this show, the two main characters are twin sisters who hated each other, because one of the them was the Dad's favorite. Thus it reminded me of the dangers and pitfalls of Parental Favoritism.
If you are a parent and has more than one child, it is normal sometimes to have a favorite child. But if this favoritism persist, it is both harmful to the not favored as well as to the favored child. When our 4 kids were growing, my motto was never compared our children, since each of them have different personalities, talents or disposition. Macrine ( RIP) and I tried to treat them fairly and equally. However, there were moments and events during their growing years that Macrine and I showed our favoritism to one child. For these I apologize. Your Mom and I did our very best to love and raise each of you as different individuals.
https://planningtovisitthephilippines.blogspot.com/2021/09/my-four-children-accomplishments-in.html
In general, parents favored either the oldest or youngest child.
In my case, I am the oldest of 7. I felt or perceived that I( oldest)
and my youngest sister were the favored off springs( I could be wrong)
but our parents tried their very best to treat the 7 of us equally and
fairly. Do you feel the favored child or black sheep in your family? Let
me know what you think and feel whether you are the favored or not
favored child. Your feelings maybe real or just a perception.
The following article is an excellent write up and advice to parents as well as the children who are victims of permanent parental favoritism behavior. I suggest you read it even if you felt you were the favored child.
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/what-to-do-when-favoritism-is-shown-to-a-relative/
Here's a summary from the above article.
If you are a parent observing preferential treatment to one of your children from a grandparent or other relative, you should do what you can to put a stop to it. This may mean limiting contact between your children and this other relative. If you don't address the favoritism, both your favored and not favored children may think that you agree with the relative's behavior, or even support it.
Source: unsplash.com
As a favored or not favored child, you will need to recognize that your parents have abdicated some of their responsibility toward you. There are some things that you will need to take care of yourself.
As a favored child, you may need to take on extra responsibility in growing as your own person. Learn to detach yourself from the positive effects of favoritism so that you can be free from the anxiety or oppression of maintaining the relationship. It may be impossible for you to mend your relationships with your siblings on your own without extra support, such as a friend or therapist. You can, however, be open to their expressions of anger and resentment. You do not need to take their emotions on yourself, but you can recognize their validity.
As a not favored child, find as many resources as you can to help yourself deal with the emotional and social effects of what has been lacking in your life. Learn to recognize your own worth and focus on those areas of your life where you have exhibited strength and capability. An in-person or online therapist who specializes in adult sibling relationships can be very helpful as you begin to recognize the parts of you that have been affected by favoritism and heal them.
Here's more sites to read on Parental Favoritism:
https://www.brparents.com/article/long-term-effects-of-parental-favoritism.html
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